Bad news, guys. They’re rebooting Ghostbusters and allowing chicks to be involved.

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I, for one, am dead set against this idea. I mean, an all female cast in a movie about saving the world from supernatural creatures? COME ON. Not realistic at all. There is no way they could handle that between, like, dealing with having boobs and vaginas and stuff. If there has ever been a movie franchise grounded in the realism that only men can chase ghosts with vacuums and giant marshmallow men through New York, it’s Ghostbusters. That should not be messed with just to appease some lefty Hollywood elites who think women are equal or something. Clearly this is a job for someone with a penis!

Plus? It’s supposed to be a comedy, right? EVERYONE knows that women can’t be funny. Look at this cast! No way these broads can pull off humor. Kristen Wiig? It’s not like she wrote and starred in an all female comedy that was highly successful in Bridesmaids. It ONLY made $288 million. Melissa McCarthy? Psh. Never won awards for comedy roles. Leslie Jones and Kate McKinnon definitely can’t hang in the comedy world. It’s not like they’re on Saturday Night Live or anything.

And Paul Feig directing? GAH! The man has no idea what he’s getting into dealing with chicks and their hormones and stuff. He should’ve thought more carefully about this before signing on to direct a female cast like he did with Bridesmaids and The Heat.

HOW DARE THEY TRY TO RUIN MY CHILDHOOD?!? How dare the film industry take a movie that was highly successful in the past and try to recreate that to make money? No one in America will go see a new movie based on an old movie. It just won’t happen. Wake up people! Absolutely no one will go see a reboot or a remake. Mark my words. Anyone with half a brain knows that you don’t EVER revisit something that was successful in the movie business. Don’t touch it. Don’t.

My only hope is that one day – one day – someone will have the guts to throw aside decades of misandry and cast a movie with a team of male leads trying to be funny while maneuvering through a world that clearly doesn’t appreciate them for who they are. And maybe, just maybe, those guys could be given a fair shot. Sadly, today is not that day.

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